Tarot Therapist

Pictured above:
Deck: Antique Anatomy Tarot Kit
Random Pink Rock of Unknown Type: Placed there so I remember where January is during the reading.

Most of you know I read Tarot Cards.

And by read, I mean that I have been doing this since I was 12 and it’s become sort of my thing for friends, gatherings and just in general when I’m looking for insight. That’s a LOT OF YEARS of practice, and the hilarious part is that I still use guidebooks. Especially if its a very different deck from the Rider-Waite. Which is a Tarot “Standard”, if you will. The gold star of tarot and the way to learn.

(I learned on the Aquarian deck but that isn’t the point).

On New Years Eve I traditionally do a big spread pictured above, that represents all the months of the new year, and then a series of smaller spreads to kind of leap into the new year with a positive focus. I’d love to say that these are just for my inner psyche, and only for inner guidance and I am not doing these in any way to predict future. I’m not doing that entirely. Of course it’s fun to think about, and also exciting to have hope of what may come, if you get a really good reading that is all about the positive ups.

Unless it’s a bunch of negative cards but we aren’t focusing on that, thank you.

Some of experiences I’ve had over the years with cards definitely had me pondering about the things I cannot explain, weird synchronicities in life, just plain eerie, right on the money future predictions and…more validation for my current theory that we are truly all connected to each other. In this life and outwards.

My working theory is that we all can tap into what I think of as “the current” and with either meditation or just focused concentration; we can slip in and out of the fabric that binds us. I truly think it’s all RIGHT there and we just have to want to connect, tap into our ability and essentially chill so we can just vibe. (Gen Z get’s me, they live for the vibe).

I’m also a huge proponent of manifestation, but I see this as being hand in hand with cards. To me, you’re just zeroing in on manifestation focus points that the cards lay out, sometimes even focusing on a narrowed down aspect of what you want to manifest-but really in the end its all the same result. Cards help me keep my thoughts and positive focus aligned.

For years I’ve tossed around the idea of making this a side-hustle. My biggest hurdle was me (shocker, I know) and struggling with the idea of charging people for something I just knew how to do after years of practice and focus. However, after watching my multi-talented youngest brother and sister-in-law build up their own business, quite successfully, based on stuff he also just learned how to do after years of practice and focus I’m starting to really come around to venturing into the business side of “the woo”.

But first, let me rant about TikTok and Youtube. Before I start I will not link ANY of the accounts I’m discussing here. For traffic/doxxing purposes they will remain anonymous, but feel free to check them all out yourself.

Every once in awhile I’ll do a binge and check out the social media tarot readers, just to get an idea of what angle I will need to take if I start doing this for anything but lols. Maybe, and I mean maybe two out of the 20+ that I peeked at seemed to have any semblance of form and control as well as using actual spreads. As a very traditional, old-school reader- this REALLY bugs. SO many are just piling on card after card with zero structure and clearly making it up as they go along. Whether its words or movements, it’s just WAY too much scattered information. I’m guessing this works for some people because they have a shitload of subscribers, but I am left flabbergasted and appalled. What are you doing?!

I just DON’T UNDERSTAND the piles. The card after card on heaps of other cards, the multiple decks. The readings seem to ramble on, with no structure or theme. The cards aren’t described, the deeper meanings not discussed, the flow of the reading not identified. One of them picked out crystals to vibe with the card they pulled Great! I thought to myself. Then they proceeded to name off the wrong names for the crystals/rocks. NO no no.(Geologists and actual tarot readers are beside themselves now).

We all know what a rose quartz crystal looks like right? RIGHT?

There are some who want to be legit, and I applaud them. But there are more, legions, who just seem to say fuck it; lets light a candle and start making piles! With the disclaimer that this is guided toward really whoever comes across their page. The disclaimer isn’t a bad thing, but what they are doing to tarot is just nonsensical. SEVERAL were mistranslating the meanings with the decks I knew pretty well, which was bewildering to the extreme. Do you even know what in the hell you are doing? It’s like you just found these or bought them yesterday from Barnes and Noble.

There is no craft, no order, no spreads, just total chaos. Sadly I think most people that watch those have no idea the whole thing is a mess, but at least the reader has a well staged ASMR voice tone to sound like they are serious and know what they are doing.

I just can’t with even attempting to watch a livestreams, so I have no opinion there. Closest I saw was an IG reel making fun of them and that’s probably the territory we are delving into with that mess.

I’m sure there are Tiktok readers who are a whole different level, but I haven’t stumbled upon many yet. There is one, just ONE that seems ok, but the jury is out because they are Florida based. I’m sorry but at this point aren’t we all surprised that the state hasn’t been sawed off from the continent and set out to drift into sea. I bet Cuba and the Caribbean would just try to push it back to us, so lets’ just hope it drifts into the bermuda triangle.

Over the vast history of my years I’ve done readings professionally a handful of times, mostly just for friends or for parties. I’ve been told I have a high accuracy, and if we want to get all astrology up in here, I can tell you have a double Pisces (sun and moon) so I’m just straight up soaking in your vibes and telling you what I feel as I translate the cards. Guess I’m just right most of the time?

I’ve had many eerie situations and seen some interesting things play out. Examples:

1. Years ago the cards clearly spelled out I was being cheated on, with pretty much every dishonest/cheating card in the deck. They also spelled out that I was deliberately keeping my head in the sand with the red flags. Guess what I ignored? That reading. Guess what happened? Right…

(My own disclaimer: Only realized I had predicted it because I often take pics of my readings JUST IN CASE something happens, as I usually forget what I did by the next day).

2. Cheating again! This time not me. Friend of a friend who I had never met, wanted a spread. I clearly saw relationship troubles and another woman in the mix with all sorts of manipulation (three of cups reversed is almost always an affair). I really struggled with voicing this translation so I candy coated it to the extreme and made it sound like a “special new person has appeared” but the friend just looked super annoyed so I trailed off, and moved on. I would find out days later that she busted her husband right around the time of the reading, but had not told her friends yet.

That checked out since she brought over SO MUCH alcohol that night and there I was, just thinking she was just a generous boozehound. The more you know.

3. Repeat, identical spreads. THREE times in a row.

We all do this- if we don’t like the vibe or it doesn’t make sense, we will re-shuffle and lay it out. One time I didn’t like it, reshuffled intensely, got the same exact spread. All 10 cards in the exact same layout. I’ll admit the hair stood up on the back on the neck, so I re-shuffled AGAIN, this time for about 2 minutes, going over the question in my head and then laid them out.

Same. Exact. Spread. That was just unreal.

Pretty sure I put the cards away at that point and left them alone for a couple months and actually went to look for ghosts, as that was completely unsettling. Paranormal dealings aside, the mathematical odds of pulling the same order like that, in the same way, had to have been pretty high. That means for both reshuffling sessions I missed 10 cards, twice. That’s after shuffling 78 cards ( just like playing cards) for almost 2 minutes, while I focus on the question.

Is this a guiding spiritual hand? Or just insane luck of the draw in a fairly spooky manner. Did I play the lottery or take a picture of my reading that day? Of course not. Did you think I would be logical here? Also no.

That whole situation felt like Ghostbusters. Exactly like that scene with the cards in the beginning with Peter Venkman testing ESP. Ironically I pulled that scenario on someone years ago-they had me guess what playing card they were holding up and I got it right twice in a row. After that they told me I should have been burned at the stake. (Maybe they were right).

4. Not tarot related but I did palm readings in Chicago for a Harry Potter release night at Waldenbooks (Deathly Hollows Part 2– I worked at the bookstore. It was fun times). I had a line that went around the entire store, and I guess a very high accuracy rating with fate lines and careers. The word had spread around the place and I had much interest, even though all I was doing was reading palms. Just based everything I said on the lines of the hand. I remember going on pure instinct with no questions, and for some reason that all worked. I accurately told a lot of peoples stories, while tracing their palms and inwardly hoping they had washed their hands.

I have all sorts of random stories about people coming up to me over the years, telling me things about myself or my aura color. Kabbalists trying to recruit me into their “club” (it was weird), professional tarot readers refusing to do readings on me, etc.

Someone told me once that it’s not the hands or cards, its ME. I’m just half in half out of the current and I’m actually channeling, not just translating cards, lines or feelings. But I really have trouble accepting that I am some sort of conduit to the paranormal. A conduit for being a bitch all the time, yes. But gifted channeler? These poor spirits.

God help those poor bastards trying to communicate through me, as any spirits would have to sift through some serious layers. At all times there is a running commentary, a soundtrack, random song lyrics (I’m…giving you everything, all that joy can bring, this I swear)that aren’t even part of the current soundtrack playing at full volume. Not to mention the useless facts and information, constant meal planning, and all my insecurities and undiagnosed mental illnesses cramming up every nook and cranny. I mean, no wonder I’m not a medium. There is literally no quiet space to commune with the dead.

But I’ll take people reader, or even “mind reader” for $500 and accept that I could have been an MKUltra experiment anytime. For some reason that’s easier to digest.

Overall, in summation if you will; It’s been a fun thing to do for people, a very interesting ice breaker for situations, eye-opening experiences for some, and a fantastic way to focus on the parts of my brain that need to get hooked on a feeling to get through a stressful work day.

As my life progresses and if I decide to be a professional tarot reader, you’ll see it here first. I’ll have to think of a brand name and business model. Otherwise better watch your ass, because my cards will tell me all about the drugs you took before you got into the hot tub with those 40-somethings. Hope it was mushrooms.